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One woman writer reckoned the toilet was candidate for 8th Wonder of the World because only known invention that lets a man do two things at once
If men ruled the world ...
If your girlfriend really wanted to talk to you during a match, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during an injury break.
Guy retired after 50 years working for the Wellington Zoo - Workmates gave him a hunting rifle.
Saw article on Los Angeles TV where a guy was given a metal detector as a retirement gift. He tried it out on his front yard; when the needle went off the dial he convinced himself that treasure buried there so hired 3 men to dig for it - got down 60 feet before the neighbours called in the authorities who made him fill it in (but he's still sure there's something down there!)
Jeremy Clarkson on Small Men
Tall people never really think about how far they are from the ground unless they are presented with an economy- class seat or a row of off-the-peg trousers. With small people, things are different. They think about their height all the time. They think that people like me are tall deliberately, that we do it on purpose just to annoy them. This gives them what doctors call SMS - small man syndrome - and what we call a bad temper.
At parties they feel excluded from conversations as they scuttle about banging their heads on coffee tables. On crowded Tube trains they feel bullied. With girls they feel left out. And when shopping for clothes they quickly become fed up with being directed to Mothercare. This is why most barroom brawlers and emperors are vertically challenged.
It is quite correct to say that in evolutionary terms they are closer to the amoeba and that tall people sit at the prow of civilisation. But these thoughts don't occupy my mind all the time. I don't feel superior to a small person just because my head is nearer to incoming weather systems. But they definitely feel inferior. Which is why they are engaged in a constant and deeply irritating battle to prove themselves worthy.
Thinking Like A Man
Mary Lou Jepsen is an engineer (founder and CEO of Pixel Qi, a maker of LCD screens for laptops) who underwent a brain operation that left her partially debilitated and reliant on hormone therapy. She recalled experimenting with different combinations of supplements, at one time trying dosages “typical of a man in his early 20s. I was angry all the time. I thought about sex all the time. I thought I was the smartest person in the entire world,” she says. “It gave me a new appreciation for men.”
A French company is to produce scented underpants for men. Le Slip Français, set up by Guillaume Gibault, releases a scent when the wearer moves about. “It’s quite a masculine perfume,” said Gibault, “not very strong, based on musk and pears.” The scent will last up to 30 washes — or, for the average male, about 15 years.
Fight Club and Men
Fight Club philosophy: Society has us working jobs we hate to buy shit we don't need for people we don't like. We've been raised by TV to believe that one day we'd be millionaires and rock stars, but we're slowly realizing that we won't ... and we're very very pissed off.
BB King and his guitar Lucille
He was unapologetic about his failed marriages and relationships. “About 15 times, a lady has said, ‘It’s either me or Lucille’. That’s why I’ve had 15 children by 15 women.”
Hunter Uganda tranquilizing gorillas then dressing them up in clown's outfits (pissing off the wardens who have to trank them again to get the clothes off
At Mannerspielplatz ('Men's Playground') near Kassel, Germany, testosterone-fueled office workers can get in touch with their "inner ditchdigger" (according to a January Wired magazine report) and frolic all day long on 29-ton backhoes, 32-ton front-end loaders, jackhammers, and various other big, loud vehicles, for an admission fee of about $280 a day. At the "Men's Playground," the owner said, "We fulfill men's dreams."
Playing Men 2
For Germany's Fathers' day in May, the Panzer Fun Driving School in Germany's Brandenberg state suggested sending men off to drive one of its 13 Soviet armored vehicles (following a short class on the controls), and for an extra fee, patrons can ram their tanks over an old car.
"It's on my Anti Bucket List: have a name for it, it rhymes with 'bucket'.
Men With Moustaches
Dan Snarr, a mayor in America, is proud of his 18in handlebar moustache but his wife says she's tired of living with "a freak". So he held a public vote in Murray, Utah, asking residents to give a thumbs-up or thumbs-down during Wednesday's Independence Day parade. Snarr, 62, who carried a poster that read, "I Want You to Save My 'Stache", explained: "People have said: that's your whole identity. I can't take away my identity." However, his wife, April, complained: "I try to kiss him but can't find a way in. And he pokes me in the eye." After studying footage of the parade, Snarr said the vote was too close to call.
Adam Rainer was born a dwarf (measuring 4'8" at the age of 19) and died a giant (measuring 7'8'' at the age of 51). He is the only known person in history to have been classified as both.
Ladies, if you shower with yr BF, you can guarantee that by the time you step out of the shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.
Nambucca Heads NSW had a problem - many retired men with very little to do. They'd left their home and their 'shed' to retire to small units. So the council built them a big shed - they could bring in all their tools and build things. Achieved immediate goal of giving men something to do, but then evolved - drop out kids started hanging around; informal mentoring morphed into a tech course at the local college, tapping into the skills of the old guys.
Texas game ranch providing internet live shooting - game attracted to feeders near the webcam; $40 to fire rifle. - liveshot.com Fortune magazine rated it 'worst product' of 2004
Men were more likely to survive the 2004 tsunami in many places - largely because they were more likely to know how to swim in many cultures.
Conversely, men are more likely to die in floods and storms. A study of U.S. thunderstorm-related deaths from 1994 to 2000 found that men were more than twice as likely to die than women. That is partly because men are less likely to evacuate early - and more likely to try to walk or drive through water.
What Makes A Man
Plastic surgeons in Turkey and France told CNN in November
that mustache implants have suddenly surged in popularity as
Middle Eastern men use their increased lip bushiness to convey
power and prestige. Surgeons extract follicles from hairier parts of
the body in procedures that cost the equivalent of around $7,000 and
show full results in about six months. An anthropology professor
told CNN that, by tradition in Arab countries, a man of honor would
"swear on my mustache," and use mustaches as collateral for loans,
and shave off a vanquished foe's mustache as a reward, and gravely
insult enemies with "Curse be upon your mustache!"
Edge of a Gillette razor blade sharper than a surgeon's knife - at top edge 25 nanometers. Facial hair is as tough as copper wire.
Men in Navies
In days of sailing navies: when going into battle, all the fancy furniture from the captain's and admiral's cabins would be loaded into the ship's boats, which were then towed behind the ship. The French, English and Spanish navies all had gentleman's agreement not to fire on the boats, because they all had wives who would give them unmitigated grief if the expensive furniture was damaged.
Toilets for Men
German toilet that talks to you "Put the seat down at once! You know you'll just make a mess!"
An intoxicated Romanian 48-year-old turned up at his local hospital complaining of excruciating stomach pain. Worried doctors, in Orlea, southern Romania, carried out scans and were knocked sideways to find he had not one but TWO hammer heads stuck in his rear end. Hospital spokeswoman Dr Cristina Bontescu said: "He was a bit drunk and said he had been eating cherries that had left him badly constipated. "He said he had a few drinks to dull the pain and then came up with the idea of poking a hammerhead up his backside in the hope of sorting out the constipation. "But the hammerhead got stuck and then he came up with the idea of using a second hammerhead in order to try and get out the first - but then he lost the second one as well." Surgeons had to perform surgery to remove the striking objects.
Men's statistics are spread wider than women's: men are both taller and shorter; there are more male geniuses and more morons; men dominate the tops of professions, but they also dominate the numbers in prisons and homeless
(a little bit of background for international readers - the All Blacks are New Zealand's rugby team and foremost organized religion - they toured Britain in Nov 2005, with a good number of fans following in pilgrimage)
This was reportedly observed in the departure lounge at Auckland Airport. Four older Kiwi farming types staggered in wearing All Black polo shirts and started drinking., One bloke's mobile phone rang: the subsequent conversation was loud enough to be heard by everyone in the lounge. "Hello dear .Yes.No. I won't be home for dinner ... until December!" He then held the phone aloft so that everyone could hear the sounds of fury meant that that this was the first his wife had heard about her husband's plans to follow the All Blacks to Britain. She was not happy. Finally it was all over and the bloke stood up and addressed the stunned audience. "My mates have copped shit from their wives for the last 3 months about this trip," he said."I've just copped 3 minutes. Who's the bigger mug?" and sat down.
The Lost Men
'Lost tribe' of men - women rewrote their job descriptions 2 generations ago (no longer "housewife") men frustrated that old role of 'provider' no longer enough for women's needs
The Wishroom lingerie shop on Japan's Internet shopping mall Rakuten announced in November that it had already sold more than 300 of its new bras specially made for men (about $30 each) since the product launch earlier in the month. A Wishroom official told a Reuters reporter, "We've been getting feedback from customers saying, 'Wow,' we'd been waiting for this for such a long time."
A man who appeared in court accused of flashing his penis at a female train guard has walked free, thanks to a tattoo on his manhood. Hartlepool magistrates court had been told how 28-year-old Barry Kenny had drunkenly displayed his willy during a train journey from Newcastle to Hartlepool. But the woman had not mentioned any "distinguising marks" on the penis and Barry has a two inch long lizard tattoo running along his penis. As a result his solicitor was able to get the charges dropped, but only after Barry offered to show his willy to magistrates. Before being reminded he was under oath Barry had wanted to claim the tattoo was seven inches long.
Kate Atkinson in Case Histories talked about "the lost and lonesome highway of your average beta male" - the men who found themselves in the rut of routine alcoholic tedium
Middle Aged Men
Middle age crisis for men when they confront 3 basic questions:
1. are my kids unfathomable ingrates?
2. is the tedium of my life worth the paucity of it's rewards?
3. do I continue to love my spouse?
Temporary solutions are sought in comb-overs, small cars with large engines, and large quantities of alcohol
Joe Bennett on Men
Joe Bennett article about how women actually dominate their men - especially on key issues such as personal hygiene, timing of sex and length of foreplay, ETA's etc. This is because women are better at the psychological struggle - they are prepared to make a scene in public (men would rather die) and as a last resort they have the weapon of corrosive silence
Auckland Private Eye Julia Hartley Moore quoted in an article as saying she wanted a guy with the body of Keanu Reeves and mind of Billy Connolly (she later said she hadn't had a boyfriend for 5 years)
Men - More Than You Want to Know
(Oh No!) Italian researchers revealed in March that at least one method of increasing penis size actually works (but that it would take a highly-motivated man to take advantage of it). Writing in the British Journal of Urology, a team from the University of Turin had volunteers attach weights of from 1.3 to 2.6 pounds for six hours a day for a six-month period and found that their flaccid-state lengths increased by an average of almost one inch.
"The Herbivore's Dilemma: Japan panics about the rise of 'grass-eating men,' who shun sex, don't spend money, and like taking walks," by Alexandra Harney. The growing trend of placid, vegetarian dudes is troubling a nation already fretting over its declining birthrate and anemic economy.
Talking About Men
More Post-Traumatic Stress: Peter Singer, the author of a new
book on battlefield robotics, told LiveScience.com in May he had
seen soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan grow so attached to their
bomb-disposal robots that, in one case, the soldier risked 160 feet
of enemy machine gun fire to retrieve his little buddy, and in
another, a soldier brought his robot in for repairs with tears in his
eyes over the "injury" to his beloved "Scooby-Doo." Several units,
he said, had given their robots promotions, Purple Hearts, and even
a military funeral
Conversation Topic Chat Talking About Men
(The Shortest Fairytale) Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!'
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot. He drank beer, ate pizza, had several good looking girlfriends, and left the toilet seat up whenever he wanted.
"All men are frauds. Only diff is that some admit it. I myself deny it." (H.E. Mencken)