Resources for Speakers - Anecdotes and Conversation Starters About Dates and Dating
Serious Money In Dating
Online dating site Zoosk is announcing some impressive revenue numbers this morning, reporting that the startup has grown its annual sales run rate approximately 250% in 2010 to more than $90 million. That's up from $20 million in revenue in 2009.
Meeting People By Accident
An Italian guy had an unusual dating technique - disconnected the brake lights on his car; when saw a pretty woman behind him he wd brake suddenly; woman would drive into him, become very apologetic and he'd take it from there. He had several cars, all of which continually being repaired by panelbeater friends - eventually caught out after 10 years when 2 women compared notes
Dorothy Parker said that when she first moved to New York as a young woman, she was so desperate she put a MEN sign on her office door.
Special Interest Group Dating
Internet dating service for tall women - US army guy who, it transpired, had proposed to 50 women on the site even though he was only 5'8" high - when he couldn't postpone meeting, he'd tell them he'd been on a lot of parachute jumps which had shortened his spine.
Drive By Dating
Commuters can buy cards to use as hold-up messages for other drivers "Nice Smile!" "What's your phone number?"
Un - Dating
New York drop-dead phone line - you give the number to someone and when they call they hear "The person who gave you this number does not wish to speak to you ever again"
Products Can Get You A Girl (Well that's what the ad said)
A luckless romeo has sued cosmetics firm Lynx after he failed to land a girlfriend during seven years of using their products. Indian Vaibhav Bedi, 26, is seeking £50,000 from parent company Unilever for the "depression and psychological damage" caused by the lack of any Lynx effect.
Eye Contact and Dating
The longer a man's gaze rests on a woman when they meet for the first time, the more interested he is. If it last just four seconds, he may not be all that impressed. But if it breaks the 8.2 second barrier, he could already be in love they say. However the same is not true for women. They let their eyes linger on men for the same length of time whether they find them attractive or not.
Deciding about Dating
Snapshot of the decision-making center of a twentysomething's mind at a dinner party: "The girl sitting next to Chris is friendly, and she's a politics geek, just like me. But there's that speed-dating thing at the brewery next week, plus I haven't written back to that blonde I met online last Thursday...."
In some ways we are like animals:
Unique smelling point Your body odour is so distinctively individual that it may be used to identify you in future as a sort of fragrant fingerprint, predict scientists at Monell Chemical Senses Centre in Philadelphia. Their laboratory studies indicate that your body's underlying signature smell, or 'odourprint', is not only unique to you, but it also defies being masked by smelly diets that are heavy in garlic and spices, says a report in the science journal PLoS One. Jae Kwak, the lead author, says that humans' unique genetically determined 'odourprints' may have evolved so that we could identify each other. It is well known that smell is the sense most closely linked to memory formation. It also plays a strong role in emotional bonding. Kwak's laboratory tests show that even eating huge amounts of garlic can't mask the signature of the volatile organic compounds that you dispel into the air around you. He adds that this finding may open the possibility that devices such as electronic sensors can be developed to detect individual odourprints in humans.
Deciding about Dating
Would you rather date someone who dumped his or her last partner or someone who was the dumpee? For an article in Evolutionary Psychology, Christine Stanik, Robert Kurzban and Phoebe Ellsworth found that men will give a woman a lower rating when they learn that she dumped her last boyfriend, perhaps fearing they will be next. But women rated men more highly when they learned that they had done the dumping, perhaps seeing it as a sign of desirability.
Lazy Men's Dating
Newspaper article about guys who date pregnant women (cue old joke about guy who was so lazy that he only dated pregnant women) - The Knight in Shining Armor rescuing the Damsel in Distress - usually have the whole scenario mapped out in their heads - the station wagon, the labrador, the white picket fence etc - unfortunately also tend to think along the lines of "You should be eternally grateful blah blah "
He has some wonderfully frank advice for finding that man. Gold diggers need to play it cool. "If you want to snare a rich man, irrespective of what he's like, look good and speak well," he said. "Not a plummy accent, but not a cor blimey one either. "Don't be on that scene at bloody Annabel's. Go to the right places. Dinner parties. Charities. Meet the right people. Art galleries, Sotheby's. Always look very cool with an air of total confidence - not unapproachable or snooty, smart, have a good job. Slimness is the name of the game. Rubenesque hasn't been in since the 17th century."
The worst move you can make with a guy is to an issue an ultimatum. They cause incredible pressure and permanently damage the relationship. Any sort of ultimatum will do; telling a guy that you'll leave if he doesn't start doing the dishes, or that you'll leave if he doesn't start spending more time with you. Ultimatums make guys think that a relationship is on its last legs anyway, and they'll start looking for a way out or focusing on your flaws. Relationships will end fast, and they'll end in a fiery train wreck - not good for anybody. Plus, the act of issuing the ultimatum is often fairly self-centered.
Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745). ...in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these: 2nd. - Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great... 8th and Lastly They are so grateful!!
Victims of online dating fraud have lost £27 million to fraudsters posing as soulmates, according to the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau and Get Safe Online who say that on average victims hand over &10,000. More than 2,700 crimes were reported between November 2014 and October 2015 but the true figure may be higher as victims are often too embarrassed to come forward.
Chat Up Lines
Contest to rate best chat up lines - some of the more novel
One of the more unusual chat up lines (and I have no idea who the hell M Perry might be - some Pom or other) Matthew Perry says that he chats up girls in pretty frocks with the line: "I had to come up and talk to you because I have the same outfit." What a card.
And the responses: 'Come back to your place? I don't think two people would fit under a rock' 'Your place or mine? Let's do both. You go to your place and I'll go to mine.'
An older-and-wiser woman offered these warning signs to be wary of any man who suggests a)"Lets go back to your house" - don't let him near it b)"Let's cook dinner at your house" - he expects to be fed and bedded c)"Why don't you pick up the tickets d)"Why don't you pick up dinner on the way round?" e)"I'm in (your city) this week by myself" - he's married!
Woman reckoned you should always meet for first date at mini golf - 1) it's public 2) it's daylight 3) you've got a club in your hand
You need a script to move a person to outcome you want - Derren Brown convinced a guy that he wanted a BMX as birthday present. He actually told the guy that that was his method - instead of trying to figure out what people wanted for present, he'd buy something then convince the person that that was what they actually wanted. But he did it with a script, and while he was explaining to the guy he continually referred obliquely to a BMX bike - "I bike people gifts... BM or X-Box .... pumped up.....handlebars ... recycled..." all worked into the monologue. At end the guy was utterly convinced he wanted a red BMX (which was revealed when he opened the box in the room) and was absolutely disbelieving when pulled out his original note he'd hand-written before coming into room, in which he said he wanted a leather jacket
Universities often feature clever young men with ingenious ways of tracking down totty; in my day, a fellow student hit on the idea of taking photographs of topless female undergraduates as an ad campaign for a local boxer-shorts firm. Being a talented sort, he was persuasive. We were hand-painted - I was Yves Klein blue, if memory serves - and naked as worms except for a pair of Sloaney underpants. My friend Sharon and I were pleased to be chosen for this special photo session, on the grounds that what we were doing was art, not smut. We weren't entirely wrong - the artist is now a household name - but the fact remains, we were topless save for some pants. Being photographed in our pants was not an ambition either of us had cherished. It wasn't empowering, just cold and slightly sticky. Naturally, the artist got a girlfriend out of his photo session and the opportunity to shortlist her successors.
Mark Revill, 49, pleaded guilty in November to stalking the actor Keira Knightley. He said he had become frustrated that his flood of love letters was being ignored and so approached the front door of Knightley's London home and "meowed" through the letterbox.
New York study, random pairs of starngers. Blindfolded one, then other had to hold drinking straw between teeth (which makes voice sound funny) then perform series of tasks designed to make them laugh. eg blindfolded one had to learn dance steps from set instructions read out by partner. Control pairs did same tasks but without blindfolds or straws. Then asked how much fun they'd had - obviously blindfolded pairs much more. But also significantly higher ratings of attractiveness to partner (Quirkology)
Quote from a self-confessed lady killer "Women feel unheard and want to express themselves" So he'd bring up an emotionally charged topic (such as the dating scene itself) and let her vent. Early in evening he'd touch date to test her reaction - did she flinch or move in closer? If she moved away, she wasn't likely to go home with him, so he'd cut the date short to save time and money
Without overcomplicating matters, mathematical analysis suggests that you should survey the scene for 37 per cent of the way through the period that you have set yourself to find a partner. Supposing that you start dating at the age of 16 and aim to find the best partner by the time you reach 60, this would take you to about the age of 32. Then you must choose the next partner who beats all the people you've dated up to that point. It's not going to guarantee you success, but this strategy maximises your chances. Just be sure not to show the formula to your new spouse: it never looks good to be too calculating when it comes to love.
smart man + smart woman = romance
Final option is to globalise - female equiv of men seeking Russian brides - import a big handsome 3rd worlder keen to improve lot - esp good news for the fat dumb and ugly women who can find a motivated young West African
Aust book Are We There Yet women complaining about how hard to find a socially acceptable guy, but guys just go off and buy a wife in Thailand etc so they don't care
Basic prob that modern feminism has emasculated most men - the few tomcats left around know their value so expect to share them around - bull dikes are only ones with healthy levels testosterone ("chicks who date women have more integrity than chicks dating men who pretend to be women")
Personal Ads and Internet Dating
London Review of Books started running personal ads very first one set the tone: "67 yo disaffiliated flaneur picking my way through the urban jungle ... jacked up on Viagra and looking for a contortionist who plays the trumpet"
Personal ads are dangerous - you have to sort out ones who are lying from the ones who are hallucinating
Should always post photo - pref sober and unarmed
WooMe.com set up to get round problem that when you meet an Internet date in flesh they turn out to be less clever and good looking than appear in profile, a bit sad, and you can see why they are single. So WooMe sets up speed dating via web cam - 1 minute 1 on 1 with potential partner - if both agree, pay a £1 fee to get contact details - 1 minute enough to get pretty good idea - can't hide behind a manufactured profile
Internet dating - women fall for the guy with the cleverest 'chat up lines' - most women get inundated with potential dates and really only way to distinguish between them is by what they write (given that profiles are uniformally sanitised). Problem is that they quickly form emotional attachments to people before they even meet them; then when they meet and they're not really the way you'd pictured them, you already made an emotional investment, so you start going out anyway, and it all ends in tears
People advertising for love interests via online dating sites have apparently become picky about how they describe their sexuality. To the usuals (male, female, gay, heterosexual) have been added recently (as reported by NPR in December after surveying OkCupid.com) "asexual," "androgynous," "genderqueer" (evidently not the same as "gay"), "queer" (not quite "gay," either), "questioning," "trans man," "transsexual," "transmasculine," "heteroflexible," and the NPR reporter's favorite, "sapiosexual" (turned on by "intelligence"). Still, some users of the site found the choices inadequate. One young woman described her sexual orientation as "squiggly," and the reporter cited others who thought highly of that term.
For all you pathetic losers who are desperate enough to resort to online dating sites, here's a handy guide to translating the ads: (you're welcome)
British entrepreneur Howard James, who runs several online dating sites, opened another in August to worldwide attention (and, allegedly, thousands of sign-ups in the first five days): dates for ugly people. James said new members (accepted from the UK, the USA, Canada, Australia, and Ireland) will have their photos vetted to keep out "attractive" people. (Based on the web pages available at press time, the photo-evaluation process is working well.)
Fat People Dating
Weight is only a sexual hindrance to heterosexual fat dudes. Fat chicks can get laid any time of the day or night anywhere in the world, don't let the media fool you. Fat guys, however, particularly ones with no money, they are pretty much doomed. There are no female chubby-chasers, no ladies longing to hunt for a lost penis amidst folds of hairy adipose tissue. They are stuck not getting any until the end of their days which (mercifully) will likely come before age 50. Now, a desire to be freed from the bonds of your virginity, particularly after some humiliating crisis has forced you to take stock of your life, may motivate you to get fit. You will need to have sex and like it, however, to make it into a lifelong habit. If it never feels worth it, or if your girlfriend has no issues with you developing a gut and hips, you will fall back into your old fat ways after awhile.
Legal Issues With Dating
In September 1992 in Chicago, Frank D. Zeffere III filed a lawsuit for $40,000 in lost dating expenses against a woman who had broken off their engagement. However, Zeffere, who is a lawyer, wrote her an offer of an out-of-court settlement, beginning with "I am still willing to marry you on the conditions hereinbelow set forth" and ending, "Please feel free to call me if you have any questions or would like to discuss any of the matters addressed herein. Sincerely, Frank."
On Line Dating
Advantages -- 1) you can meet women without taking a shower
Odette Delacroix," 25, of North Hollywood, Calif., is a petite (86-lb.) model who runs an adult fetish website in which people (i.e., men) pay to watch her tumble around, bikini-clad, with "plus-size" models squashing and nearly suffocating her, up to five at a time in "pigpiles." "Odette" told London's edition of Cosmopolitan that her PetiteVsPlump website has so far earned her about $100,000.
Musical Lessons On Dating
Broadway musical "I Love You, You're Perfect. Now Change"
Movies and Dating
Watching romantic movies ruins your love life - unrealistic expectations of what's available, and especially the happy ending
Dating Decision Making
Love affairs are the only major decision we make at a dark noisy party where you've already had a bit to drink. Few months down the line he turns out to be a lazy lying boor: she turns out to have a gold medal in nagging. Perhaps you should be forced to provide references.
Spike Milligan reckoned he once put an ad in Private Eye personal column saying he wanted to meet a rich, well insured widow with a view to murdering her and got 48 replies
DontDateHimGirl.com as revenge site for women to post gory details about guys who've disappointed them - name-and-shame trend continues
Dating and Marriage
Dating's a bit like marriage - you go out for evening, maybe to a restaurant, have a few drinks then go to bed - only difference is, on a date the guy will expect to have sex with you
Lighter Conversation Starters about Dating
Better to be looked over than overlooked